Material Support to Terrorists! Muslim Vampires!
Let's be honest about what these FBI raids are about. It's a witch hunt. Apparently we're all terrorists now. And not just any type of terrorist - Muslim terrorists. Wait, you forgot there were other kinds? That it was Catholics who invented the car bomb? That secular terrorists in Shri Lanka invented the suicide vest? Wait, I'm off-topic.
In this climate of fear, there is only one person to which we can turn. I bring you Stephen Colbert.